Orientalis: Clevelandia

Step 1: Avoid the common mistake (on the lake) of orienting Cleveland to fit the world.

Instead, orient the world to fit Cleveland.

Step 2: Approach the front door, and ring the bell.

Step 3: If no one answers (and they won't), try the back door. You'll find Prosperity and Grace, too, but beware the unmarked graves of the forgotten at the river's edge.

Step 4: Brush up on your secret handshakes. There are false ones about.

Step 5: Find Peace and/or Eternal Life. Happy New Year.